


No right to love you

by ERAC12



Series: An American  in Wakanda (Bucky doesn't count) [9]
Category: Black Panther (2018), Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, He is emotional growing, Insecure Stephen Strange, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Regret, Self-Reflection, We're proud of him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:40:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25982236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ERAC12/pseuds/ERAC12
Summary: As Stephen Strange is leaning under the supervision of the Ancient One, he had time to reflect of his mistakes. Specially the ones that involved Everett.
Relationships: Everett Ross/Stephen Strange
Series: An American  in Wakanda (Bucky doesn't count) [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1800430
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	No right to love you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bangtan_Benhead](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bangtan_Benhead/gifts).



> This a little one and I don't know if I achieved the emotive reflection I wanted but I hope you'll enjoy it. Please, if you note any grammar mistake, let me know.

_Cause I have no right to love you_

_When I chose to walk away_

_I have no right to miss you_

_When I didn’t wanna stay_

_And I have no right to need you_

_And I knew what my heart was gonna lose_

_But I do, I still do_

_Yeah, I still do_

(No Right to Love you _.,_ Rhys Lewis)

Stephen had just end shaving the ill-kept facial hair. The new style was cleaner and didn’t make him look like a crazy homeless. Looking at the image in the mirror made him felt a little better of himself, even if his hands were still shaking. He looked like the man he was before the accident, at least, un appearance.

The man wasn’t sure if he wanted to be again the person he was before: A selfish bastard who was too proud to recognized his mistake. Too arrogant to believe he was so intelligent and extraordinary to breathe the same air that the other did. Too self-centred that he only satisfied his need and wishes without considerate the other’s. Too lonely after losing the love of his life and too stubborn to admit his own guilty. No, he didn’t want to be like that anymore.

He wanted to be better for him, for his Everett. He wanted to become the man he always has deserved. It didn’t matter that he wasn’t there to see it. Everett was his inspiration but, finally, he was doing for himself. Under the tutoring of the Ancient One, he would no only recovered his hands, he would get back his humanity.

He walked out 0f his room, towards the library, as he used to do it. He had to understand all the theory and history behind the magic first before he could even try to do anything the other pupils did easily. It was difficult for him to advance with only the spiritual teaching, he needed facts. It was like going back in time when he was just a med student and had to read and memorise the heavy books.

The only difference was that he was lonely in an ancient temple in a mountain instead of being in a shitty apartment with Everett, when he wasn’t in active duty, acting like a mother hen over him. As he sat in the library alone, he started to feel nostalgic. He looked at his left hand, where his wedding band was, and smiled melancholily at the sight of it. He had never worn it before the morning Everett visited him for the last time for it’s impractical in his work’s area but, when he left New York City and his old life, he couldn’t let it behind.

His heart ached to think of Everett and their life together as something in the past. One part of him didn’t accept that he pushed him out of his life. Closing his eyes, he let himself to get lose in his memories and dreams. He recalled the sweet smiles the blond gave him before going to the bed and after waking up. His warm and long hugs he gave him when he came back of duty, after months of separation, and the following passional sex they had. And the wet kisses they would share before he travelled abroad.

Everett was not the perfect man. He had flaks as everybody but he always tried to compensate them with his big heart and will to help other. For Stephen that good intentions would translate in actions. The blond man would make sure that their shitty place looked more homely and welcoming that it was.

"Thinking of the past only limit our vision of the present and the future." The Ancient One said with a calm voice, interrupting his thoughts and bringing back to reality. He looked at them with red check. He was embarrassed. "But sometimes, it’s our past what motives us to improve ourselves." They added with a knowing smile.

"Yes" He said in a broken voice. He took a deep breath, trying to recover his cool, but the gloom in his heart only grew.

"Have you mourned?" They questioned with compassion in their eyes.

"How?" He asked as an answer. "How could I move on when I miss him every day and all my pain is my own fault?"

"You have started doing when you accepted your responsibility and you changed your attitude toward the world around you." They answer with simplicity. "It will be a long time before you forgive yourself but you are doing it pretty well." They smiled with a mocking shine in their eyes. "Better what I expected." They confessed, making him laugh, and put a hand in his shoulder. "Only time will cure your wounds, physical and emotional ones, when you let it."

"Do you…Do you think he can forgive me?" He inquired without thinking and regretting at the second.

"Everett Ross seems to be a kind person" They said thoughtfully."He’s never blamed you." They ensured him. "You will never know what the future have prepare for you…" They started to walk away of him. "May be your story with him haven’t finished yet." They through him a knowing look and a complicity smile before leaving the place.

The man stared at the door with opened mouth. Could it be possible? Could Everett forgive him? Could they have still a future together? A peak of hope born in his heart at the idea and a bright smile was formed in his face. He took the book and started to read, motivated by the conversation with his superior, without notice that his hands wasn’t shaking anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. I hope you like the drabble and you simpatized with our supreme sourcerer. He is trying to get better and he recognized his mistakes. Please, let a kudo if you liked it or a comment, I love to read you. Followed me on Twitter (@ER_Aguilar12) and Tumblr (erac12) for more information of this series and other projects.  
> As always, I send you good vibes. Stay safe and take care of yourselves.
> 
> XOXO


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